Relationships are getting tougher and tougher to start/maintain/last

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With all due respect, you're not exactly out there in "today's dating scene" Things have changed drastically in the last 30 years. Just take a look around the globe, more and more people are choosing the solo life.
 
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'things' have changed drastically, but human psychology hasn't -- the psychology is still sound -- you can't have a successful "relationship", without first developing empathy for other human beings. and some people NEVER reach that point in their development. if those are the people that are "choosing the solo life" then that's probably the best outcome for all concerned.

my daughter is 19 in 'today's dating scene' and you wouldn't believe some of the D-bags who she's encountered on her journey. people who see HER as an ornament on THEIR tree -- someone to enhance THEIR life, and not vice versa -- they bring nothing to the table, because they only care about themselves. those people will find themselves alone whether they "choose" a solo life or not.
 
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That's kind of to be expected with some people with the way Social Media is used to promote "visuals". Which is odd that in this day and age we have so many people standing up against being seen a an "object", yet so many still use FB Insta or twitter a some kind of Modeling channel constantly taking selfies of them looking a certain way.

So how can those people expect anyone to change some peoples mindset on how to view a person? It's beyond frustrating to have those individuals continuing to do their BS feeding into the stereotype of Men being dogs or womanizers. I just don't think people today have the attention span to maintain a relationship because it takes work and people are already busy with career work.
 
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So, I'm talking to a 30 year old Mom now. I'm 31 btw, let's see where this goes. Haven't met her in person yet.
 
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I'm fully aware that my opinions on this topic are not going to be the norm, but I'm a 47 year old bachelor and I love the single life. I have yet to meet a woman who makes me want to give that up.

To be blunt, women simply don't bring enough value to the marriage equation these days for marriage to be worth it. They definitely don't bring enough to the relationship to balance out the risks. You get married, a few years pass and you think things are going good; but then she gets bored, finds someone new, and files for divorce. If you're lucky, you will only lose half of all you own and be thrust into poverty for years, maybe decades. If you are unlucky, she'll bring false charges of abuse against you and you get arrested for something you didn't do. I've seen it happen too many times with friends and family members. So, no thank you. I'm better off on my own.
 
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The sad part is you're not entirely wrong, those things definitely do happen alot more then we care to admit. I personally don't love the single life though, I find it boring and unfulfilling. Relationships are definitely not for everyone. I personally feel like I don't want to just live for myself. People can live their lives however they want as long as they're not harming anyone in the process. I just want someone to share my life with as cliche and antiquated as it sounds.
 
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The sad part is you're not entirely wrong, those things definitely do happen alot more then we care to admit. I personally don't love the single life though, I find it boring and unfulfilling. Relationships are definitely not for everyone. I personally feel like I don't want to just live for myself. People can live their lives however they want as long as they're not harming anyone in the process. I just want someone to share my life with as cliche and antiquated as it sounds.

I agree with that. If people want to be single to each their own. But for me there's something about living life with someone, and for someone other than yourself. And then when you have children your priorities change, where everything wad for yourself and your partner is now for this other little being. It's nice to have a family too.

At the end of the day pretty much everyone needs a family of some kind. It can be close friends who make up your family but everyone needs a close group they belong to.
 
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I'm fully aware that my opinions on this topic are not going to be the norm, but I'm a 47 year old bachelor and I love the single life. I have yet to meet a woman who makes me want to give that up.

To be blunt, women simply don't bring enough value to the marriage equation these days for marriage to be worth it. They definitely don't bring enough to the relationship to balance out the risks. You get married, a few years pass and you think things are going good; but then she gets bored, finds someone new, and files for divorce. If you're lucky, you will only lose half of all you own and be thrust into poverty for years, maybe decades. If you are unlucky, she'll bring false charges of abuse against you and you get arrested for something you didn't do. I've seen it happen too many times with friends and family members. So, no thank you. I'm better off on my own.
I sincerely hope this is not the norm for too many people ..... 😱 (not the single life part but the last bit there)

I seriously think the divorce rate is as high as it is because people just don't communicate anymore and I would assert that women have less need for a man than they used to (referring to 'back in the day', but the relevance of what a man brings to the table is also pretty questionable). People seem to think attraction, infatuation, passion, pampering, romance, and the excitement of the relationship is love. Things like looks and passion are not sustainable really. I'm not saying you don't try to be as presentable as possible and I'm not inferring that you can both become complacent and ignore each other... but a lot of what relationships are based on now is superficial. It's objectification, possession, or manipulation of another person. There's a lack of courtesy, sincerity, and respect.

I would never have gotten married if I wasn't able to say my life would be better with this person because they will look out for my best interests and I am willing to do the same for them. I don't have to get what I want all the time and I'm happiest actually when she is getting something she wants. She feels the same about me. We have a hard time deciding a lot of things because I'm pushing to go to her favorite places and she's pushing to go to mine. Let me also say, however, that even marriage like this is hard work. We get at each other, but there's a respect there that will never go away. I imagine she's wanted to murder me a time or two.

I wish for everyone to find someone they can communicate their soul with. You won't agree on everything... I'm a 'wavering' Republican and she's a 'wavering' Democrat... but we challenge each other and understand who we are.

My final suggestion would be 'Don't expect your life to be anything like what you see on TV'. I see it a lot with kids. They seem to think that since this family they see on youtube is doing elaborate setups for playtime and are always on vacation or competing for candy or showing off the newest toys..... that somehow that is how life is. Adults do this with stuff like Instagram or GOD-FORBID "Reality TV" which is so far from reality it should be criminal.
 
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Matched with a girl on Bumble last Sunday. The timer ran out before she could message me, but she had her snapchat name in her profile. I normally don't do this because then girls will act like we're bothering them (then don't put your snap name on your profile). I messaged her, we had a decent conversation. Kinda questionable though when my phone died and I didn't realize it after checking to see if I had a message, I plugged it on the charger, so maybe a half hour went by and saw she already deleted me. I played dumb and still messaged her, she said something like "Oh I thought we were done talking" because I opened her message and didn't reply (that was when my phone died). A week goes by, I message her Friday night and asked how her week was. Not late, maybe 7:30 or so. She read the message and never replied.

It's funny cause her profile said "looking for friends and see where it goes". I mean, you can't find friends if you don't respond, right? It's s*** like that that makes me not want to look anymore. My last girlfriend treated me like trash at the end and said some pretty hurtful things to me which had nothing to do with the reason for her ending things. It was her own insecurities that did that, I did nothing wrong. Later in the year she randomly would show up at my house, realizing she was wrong but I axed that pretty quick. After how she treated me I just didn't want to deal with women. Yeah I would do the occasional swipe but I just had no ambition to pursue anything.

When I thought about trying again, the pandemic started. How do you even date now? I refuse to go to a restaurant. If I do order, I to take-out. I don't drink. It's middle of winter now so we can't grab a coffee and sit outside (I don't drink coffee but my point stands lol). I've just had it with women who don't put in the effort or talk with you one day and go ghost. I'm 34, I'm an adult. If you're not interested, say so. Why match with me in the first place? I sent that girl a message just saying "get the impression you're not interested in talking. no worries, good luck." When they do that it just feels a bit disrespectful. Does she owe me a message? No, but its just common courtesy. I don't do it to other people, and I'm sure she wouldn't like it if it was done to her. Just don't waste my time.
 
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Bro, I totally get it. Women match with me all the time and do the same thing pretty much. It's become like a game with bumble and instagram. You just have to keep going at it and don't get discouraged if this is what you want. It's a numbers game , talk to as many as you can and you'll find a compatible, rational and level headed one eventually. I've been messaging this girl on IG since September. Shes been busy with school Psychology major. Found her on bumble and we met in real life once. She even took a three week class in between semesters just now cause she wants to get her degree in May. I honestly believe she would have been hanging out with me this whole time if it wasn't for school. We have a date planned for next weekend. She canceled on me twice before we first met in real life and got pizza. She apologized when I saw her in person though. My point is don't give up. If they feel like they're worth fighting for then do it. Alot of times that's how it is. The guy likes the girl alot more at first and then tables turn or ideally it becomes balanced. Problem is guys and girls these days have ego's/don't want to let their guard down. You'll pick up on the vibe and know when it's worth your time/effort.
 
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Update: I saw the girl who is a psych major again that I've been messaging since September. It's my second time meeting her in person , the first time was in November. We got Sushi and had to eat it in my car because indoor dining is closed in NYC. We hung out 8:30 at night to 4:30 in the morning. I really like her and I feel like my patience is paying off. She just really is focused on school which I completely understand. Just going to keep playing it cool and see where it goes.
 

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Relationships will always have ups and downs, they are the backbone of a strong relationship. each partner needs to be the glue/cement that picks up the pieces of the other and helps them improve.

I've dated multiple women throughout my life and have had my share of experiences both good and bad. I dated a woman who was stilled married but hid that from me, dated a woman with commitment issues, was married for 9 magical years with a beautiful woman who gave me the greatest gift of all my 2 children. sadly cancer cut her life short leaving me a broken shell of a man. now I'm dating a woman who loves me for me, all my faults, successes etc. We've been dating now for 6 months and I can't imagine not being with her. We're together every weekend and my kids have accepted her.

my point is this, dating is indeed tricky and often difficult at times, but with a little work and lots of patience, something wonderful can develop.
 
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Matched with a girl on Facebook dating on Jan. 31st. With the exception of 2 days, we have been talking every day - not nonstop but periodically throughout the days. I got her phone number a few days ago. Her phone was acting up and she had to get a new one. In the meantime she reached back out to me on FB dating to let me know what was going on. She got her new phone yesterday and texted me. Yesterday was the first day she reached out first, so I figured I'd strike while the iron was hot. I asked if she wanted to meet for coffee/lunch or whatever this weekend if she liked. Guess what? Gone. The 2 times I asked to facetime it was either "If I can find some time" or "maybe".

This. This is exactly why I want to throw in the towel. Why go through the trouble of reaching back out to me on FB dating, then with your new number only to vanish? It seemed like with this girl I didn't have to "guess" when to text her, if that makes sense. Tonight I ended up sending her a text simply saying "I take your silence as a no. No worries, take care." I noticed the imessage never said delivered, then after a few minutes it changed to green. Did she block me? Not that it matters cause I already deleted everything but I gave her no reason to block me and this would be the first time someone has blocked me.
 
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DJcos25, it's possible she was talking to several guys at once. You did nothing wrong with asking her out. The messaging back and forth for a long period of time is annoying and a waste for the most part.
 
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The girl that I've been talking to is in her last semester before her degree and pretty much told me she isn't looking to start a relationship right Now. She said she loves just talking to me and hanging out though. So I will be friends with her in the meantime. Nothing wrong with having a hot female friend. :cool: And I'll still keep my eyes open in the mean time and look for other ones to talk to.
 
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my GF said the same thing. she didn't want to be my "girlfriend" she only wanted to be my friend. that was 36 years ago. we're still together. been married for 30 years. there's nothing wrong with playing the 'Long Game' ;) sometimes it works out better that way.
 
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DJcos25, it's possible she was talking to several guys at once. You did nothing wrong with asking her out. The messaging back and forth for a long period of time is annoying and a waste for the most part.

Thanks for the reassurance. It's not like I was asking her everyday, I asked *maybe* twice at most. She was open about playing video games so that was cool, I could talk with her about that. One night she said "I keep getting dudes chasing after me." So I asked her if she meant in Call of Duty. She said "No FB Dating. I'm thinking of closing it anyway." She also mentioned after her phone died she wasn't sure how she would stay in contact until she got a new one then she remembered FB Dating. Like you said, she probably was hitting up other dudes or just got cold feet.

Whatever, I'm over it. I just needed to vent and get a good nights sleep.
 
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I dunno. I think people are made miserable by too many choices today. In online dating, and in too many products in the grocery store, and too many channels on tv.
 
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Yeah dating sucks, but somehow being single and not even trying is worse. I dated someone for a year and it started out really organic and romantic-like. Probably the best first couple months I can remember. Then we hated each other and I felt just awful the rest of the relationship. Then we broke up and I went on Tinder and immediately met my current partner, which was like wow, because Tinder is usually terrible for that.

It was definitely a slow-burn at first, but we've been together a year and a half and moved in. Sometimes I forget how much I've come to rely on her (especially since I can't drive for a few months due to medical reasons). At first she HATED that I buy toys and says she's never seen Star Wars or a Marvel movie. But since then she's pretty much accepted it, and whenever I watch a Star Wars show or film she'll say "pew pew pew" in the background. I still hide packages tho when I feel like I'm buying too much stuff.
 
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The girl that I've been talking to is in her last semester before her degree and pretty much told me she isn't looking to start a relationship right Now. She said she loves just talking to me and hanging out though. So I will be friends with her in the meantime. Nothing wrong with having a hot female friend. :cool: And I'll still keep my eyes open in the mean time and look for other ones to talk to.

If you keep hanging out just don't let her make you pay for everything. I dated women who took advantage of my kindness. I've also seen guys buy women drinks trying to get their number, but they just take the drinks and don't give the number. They just use the guys for free stuff.

It also irks me that women want equality in everything (which is fine) but then some expect the guy to still pay for everything. That's not equality, you have a job. It's not equality when it's only convenient for you. I believe it's ok for the guy paying for the first date or 2, then the girl should start offering too.
 
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Also. You might end up with one of HER friends. Unlike tv, women rarely do stuff with strangers or close friends. Friend-of-a-friend is actually a pretty good place to be.
 
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