Relationships are getting tougher and tougher to start/maintain/last

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So I realize this is a little bit shall we say maybe an unconventional subject for this forum. However, I think it could lead to some interesting conversation. I'm in my early 30's and it's tough out there. Alot of women(men too) don't know what they want. Social media for a lack of a better term is evil lol. I use that term loosely, but seriously it creates the illusion of endless options. That's just my opinion. People think why try and make something work when you can jump on an app and meet someone new. I was seeing someone for almost 6 months. She was 23 and a half when I met her 24 when it ended. Refused to call what we had a relationship and wanted no titles attached(bf/gf). This seems to be a big thing with alot of people less then 30 these days. What are Your guys thoughts on relationships now these days?
 
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As I entered my late 20s I released the (both men & women) how should we say.... there is a reason they are still single. (& stay single)

Ultimately I found something I was interested in (church) & from there met people my age who were a little more aligned to where I was in life. This is how I met my wife & no regrets about whatever I might have missed when I was younger.

I never liked the dating apps & my best advice find what makes you happy & the rest will start to fall into place. You can’t force something that isn’t there, nor do you want to deal with that crap 10 years down the line. I didn’t find someone until I stopped looking. Which allowed a more organic path.
 
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Let me start by saying that I'm glad I didn't have to deal with social media while growing up/dating. I know some wonderful couples that met Online so I would certainly say if you are in that scenario, it can work, but I tried it for a few months before I found my wife and it was a disaster.

I didn't get married until 2009 when I was 36 and my wife was one week from turning 28. Not that it really means anything, but I was a college baseball player, 6'4... not terrible to look at so it's not like I had no options. Looks, however, will not last. I decided early on that I wasn't going to get married unless I found someone that I could truly just be myself with. I dated one girl because she was coaching at the same school where I was teaching and coaching. I dated another because she was beautiful but had no real ambition and little to talk about. Another girl was a friend from childhood that I reconnected with down the line, but nothing made sense longterm.

You'll know when it hits you. Some people are so desperate that they'll force something and then regret it. For me, I was set up by a friend that knew us both. She was not my type, and by that I don't mean not cute or not fun, but I found out that "my type" was not really what I wanted.

A fun story: We both had a little secret. I saw her as kind of a tomboy but endearingly awkward, but smart and game to try anything. That pretty much sums me up as well but I also collect toys and I wasn't all that up front about it with anyone I dated. So the story is... we went to her parents house and she seemed a little panicked because it was not planned. I assumed she was nervous about the whole 'meet the parents' thing (even though I sort of knew her parents since her dad was on the school board where I worked and her mom was a secretary in the elementary). She blurts out "I'm not a weirdo but you are going to see a lot of DOLLS that I've collected." I was just like 'so'? And she said, "well... wait until you see my doll collection, it's a lot". And I replied with 'Wait until you see MINE." And didn't explain but showed her all the Star Wars stuff not long after.

Some things are just meant to be.
 
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Relationships are so different today and I blame social media for that. Even just trying to date in general. With all these dating apps, people have so many options at their fingertips. Don't like someone? Unmatch. People will drop someone over something so minor and go to another person. Its tough and with the covid situation going on its not helping matters.

I'm 34 and have been in 3 relationships, all of which I was never truly happy in. Most of my friends are in serious relationships or married so sometimes I feel left out, so to speak. But with how my last relationship ended - it was only a few months but towards the end she gave me attitude for almost everything I did. It got to a point where I was making excuses not to see her. She broke up with me, only for 5 months later to show up at my house saying she was sorry and wanted to see me again. I axed that pretty quickly. I'd rather be alone than miserable. With how she treated me, and especially now with covid, I've stopped putting in effort for the time being.

I'm just tired of the games, no text back, ghosting, people who can't carry a conversation, its tiring and not worth it. I'm so used to my routine now, I work a typical 9-5 job, and maintain my house over the weekend or when I have time. I like being able to do what I want, when I want. It's going to take someone pretty special to change that.
 
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I used to use that with my brother when he got married. You go and call your wife... I'll just do whatever I want ALL the time.

That is why I say you have to find someone you can just be yourself with. My wife ADDS to my life and I don't have to take anything away. Sure I don't buy as much stuff as I used to and no I don't just come and go as I please... I have 4 kids now :) BUT that was a great trade. Four kids and family fun vs. hanging out in places I didn't care about with people I didn't really care about.

Games suck. My suggestion: Get involved in something where the people care about something other than themselves. Volunteer somewhere. Join a club that focuses on something you like. Coach a local youth league. Online is basically the worst bar you've ever been in.
 
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I don't have much experience with "relationships" (in general).

I'm still working on my very first relationship. 35 years and counting. NOT including the first three years in the "friend-zone".



my advice? start with a friend.

I always found it strange when people would introduce me to their "significant other" (whom they only just met last week).

I mean, if you don't actually KNOW the person yet... then that label doesn't mean what you think it means.

and let's face it: it's hard to actually "know" someone, from their social media "propaganda" / "self-promotion" efforts on IG.

I mean, if there's one thing we ALL understand intuitively (from growing up in a world of television advertising) it's "salesmanship"

I think most people do it, without even thinking about it.

social media has become a platform for "advertising" how special our own lives are -- like everyone's own personal Colgate commercial.

next thing you know, we've got an entire generation stuck in a rut, living "satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones....

"When I'm watchin' my [IG] and a man comes on and tells me
How white my shirts can be....
I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no girl reaction... hey hey hey..." (etc)


^^ in Reality(tm), nothing is EVER as it appears on TV (or IG for that matter) -- and the more we pine for it, the more UNhappy it makes us.

:(
 
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Online dating is like anything else, you get out of it what you put in. I utilized it when I got divorced back in 2011. I had tremendous fun meeting new ladies. Had fun going on dates. I knew what I wanted & I was up front about it.
i figured once I started it, it would take maybe about a couple of years before I found the right lady. It only took me about a year.
 
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I think it's a simple matter of finding someone with the same interests and goals in life as yourself, by whatever means that is available be it local gatherings etc. Online thing can work but it might involve the long distance thing for a while, which can test even the strongest relationships. Most apps seem geared towards simply dating/hookups rather than a long term thing, although I'm sure there are those few. While many say age is just a number it doesn't often work out if there is a large gap in age, as they don't generally have the same things I common. Or their interests don't align towards the same goal at the same time. I truly don't know how people 20 years apart do it. I look at someone 20 years younger and all I see, well a lot of difference.
 
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What are Your guys thoughts on relationships now these days?
My thought is: I'm glad I'm engaged to a wonderful woman. If I wasn't, I'd be fully committed to being single the rest of my life.

Good luck out there. I hear it's brutal.
 
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I'm a widow.. so for me it was extremely hard trying to jump back into the waters of dating or relationships in general. I had too many mixed feelings and emotions running through my head that it made trying to find a special someone to spend time with very difficult. "Am I cheating on my wife?" "Is it too soon to start dating someone again?" I felt like I was going to be alone forever.

I tried a dating site (and was told I was not compatible), tried another dating site (meet me) and learned that the majority of the people on that site were not 100% honest... I started dating on woman who lied about being divorced which put an end to the relationship immediately. I was briefly dating another woman which ended with me having to put out a restraining order against her. I started dating another woman but it went no where and we just decided to be friends instead of in a relationship.

recently a friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his and we hit it off immediately. We've been dating now since the beginning of August and it's been amazing. We have the same values, beliefs and interests and my kids really like her.

so yes the I have to agree that starting / getting into a relationship and maintaining the relationship is indeed more difficult that in the past but I truly believe we are not meant to be alone. We need to find that special someone who can take us as is, hold us in their arms and start a new journey with them. I'm excited as to where the journey with my new girlfriend will take me. My advice to everyone is Don't give up. If it's meant to be than it's meant to be. Don't just settle for anyone...
 
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so yes the I have to agree that starting / getting into a relationship and maintaining the relationship is indeed more difficult that in the past but I truly believe we are not meant to be alone. We need to find that special someone who can take us as is, hold us in their arms and start a new journey with them. I'm excited as to where the journey with my new girlfriend will take me. My advice to everyone is Don't give up. If it's meant to be than it's meant to be. Don't just settle for anyone...
it's interesting because I too feel that "Humans" in general need a partner to share things/life with for an ultimate happiness. Not that you need said person to make you happy, but being happy together is true happiness. And I don't intend for this to go off topic, but it seems a trend today that pushes "aloneness" that you don't need someone lese to be happy, and while may work for some temporarily I can't see it working out long term because Humans were designed with companionship in mind.

So unless you believe that we were only created for the sole purpose to procreate, then companionship is needed at some point throughout our life.
 
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You don't find relationships, they find you. So more you try looking for that special someone, the less chance it will happen. Only advice is keep eyes open for certain signals from a person. And always be yourself. Because if they don't like you for you, then not going to work out.
 
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You don't find relationships, they find you. So more you try looking for that special someone, the less chance it will happen. Only advice is keep eyes open for certain signals from a person. And always be yourself. Because if they don't like you for you, then not going to work out.
Also if they like you/are interested, they will make time for you. Sadly it took me a long time to realize that.
 
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The difference between a married man & a single man.

A Married man can always tell when a woman who is not his wife, is interested in him & wants to be with him, however the second he becomes single he loses this new found ability. aka by acting on it.
 
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^^ I think sometimes that shoe is on the other foot.

ie: (most) people want what they cannot have...

...so when a man becomes single/available, then those women don't notice him anymore. :p LOL
 
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I’m glad I’m old. It sounds like being young is a nightmare.

If I weren’t married, I guess I’d try to find someone during some regular social activity of some kind. I do a lot of things, and meet a lot of people, so maybe I’d have a chance to connect with someone in person. That’s about the only way I’d want to pursue it.
 
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