Changing the plot: What if ...?

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Jango: "Zam, there can be no mistakes this time." Zam grabs the tube and starts walking toward the droid. Suddenly she trips and falls, the tube breaks and she gets stung to death by the poissonous creatures...

OR

Mace: "Where is your apprentice?" Obi-Wan: "He is with Padme back on Naboo getting married... oops!!"

Any other ideas will be wellcome.
 
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Palpatine: "How about an old friend....like Coleman Trebor"

Mace: "Thats possible...Coleman just came back from the Bacta Tank after being shot by one of our training remotes....again"
 
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Tarkin: "...I've grown tired of asking this. Where is the Rebel base."
Princess Leia: Yavin 4... they're on Yavin 4..."
 
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vader: Give yourself to the darkside.
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOO f***ing way! *chops off vader arm*

Vader: luke, join me. it is the only way.

Luke: OK. please dont chop off my other hand. Ill do anything you want. anything.....

 
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Luke to Vader: "I feel the good in you... Let go off your hate!"
Vader: "Ok, you convinced me."
 
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C3PO: Oh no, the R4 you just purchased has expired, why don't you buy the blue R2, I've worked with him before"

Luke: Not a chance. Hey Uncle Owen, this R4 unit is bad, why don't you get a refund?

Owen: Hey, what's the deal? I want a full refund!!

Luke: Good thing we didn't buy that R2.
 
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Han: Don't be a fool Jabba you're passing up on a fortune!

Jabba: Han my boy you're right. I'll Have Mosep pick up the credits tomorrow.
 
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Palpatine to Luke:"You, like your father, are now mine."
Vader:"Hey, I'm nobody's bi**h!"
He ignites his lightsaber and decapitates the emperor.
 
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Vader to Lando: "Well Calrissian, did he survive?"
Lando: "Nope, you killed him. Han is dead, and in perfect hybernation."
Vader: "Oh, well. I guess we'll just need to find another way to get Luke Skywalker to the emperor. Sorry Bobba."
 
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"There goes another one." "Hold your fire. There's no life forms. It must have short-circuited... Ummm, on second thought, fire. Blast it, just for fun."
 
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Chancellor:
"Qui-Gon, head to Naboo to mediate this situation."

Qui-Gon:
"Sorry, can't. Making a movie with Harrison Ford."
 
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R2 flies over the droid factory, looking for Padme. He suddenly realizes: "Wait a minute, I can't fly. I must be in George Lucas Fantasyland." The propulsors dissapear and R2D2 quickly falls right into the lava.
 
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Senator Palpatine- "Negotiations haven't started because the ambassadors aren't there? How could that be true? I have assurances from the Chancellor his ambassadors did arrive. Mwumnmnumn mwnunwmunw negotiations mwum ambassadors mwnunmumuwn...."

Queen Amidala- "Senator Palpatine! What's happening?"

Sio Bibble- "This could only mean one thing. Invasion. OK, everybody, stay calm, we'll just tuck a few blasters in our robes and blow the little tadpoles' f***ing heads off when they get down here, OK? Sound good to everyone?"

Queen Amidala- "Whatever. I'll stay here. Send a decoy in my place. I don't want to get my dress dirty. They're so pretty..."

Later on------------------------------------------

When the Queen and her entourage are walking along, and Nute Gunray is discussing "matters" with the queen, Sio pulls out his blaster and stars shooting everything in sight. Learning of this slaughter, the Trade Federation promptly recalls their droid army and surrenders to the Naboo.

[ 07-09-2002, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: Vader's crony ]
 
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Luke: Jabba this is your last chance, free us or die...
Jabba: (Laughter) put him in!

Luke signals to R2. R2 shoots the lightsaber in the opposite direction into the Dune Sea.
 
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Luke: "How did my father die?"
Obi-Wan: "Actually, your father is not dead, Luke. Your father, Anakin, used to be my apprentice until I lost him to the dark side of the Force. I thought I could instruct him just as well as Yoda, one the jedi masters who instructed me. I was wrong. He became Darth Vader, who helped the emperor hunt down the jedi and build the evil empire. Now he is one of our biggest enemies. You must become a jedi, Luke, and help the rebellion destroy him. Are you game?"
 
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by far one of the dumbest threads in a while...

just kidding!!!!

no flame neccessary

i would like it if luke married leia and they had to deal with albino children
 

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"You're still in danger here. Let's go- Senator Amidala, please...!"

"What? No, Captain, I'm Corde'! THIS is Senator Amidala! We must have forgotten to switch places!"
 
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"Luke, I am your father...."

"well, then who was that guy Mom slept with on Corellia? Oh, wait, I always did think Han looked familiar...."
 

Rik

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Number 1:

Anakin Skywalker: Don't be afraid.

Padme Amidala: I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.

Anakin Skywalker: What are you talking about?

Padme Amidala: I love... Obi-Wan

Number 2:

Count Dooku: Master Windu, you've fought gallantly! Worthy of recognition in the archives of the Jedi Order! Now it is finished, surrender and your lives will be spared!

Mace Windu: OK We surrender!

Number 3:

Luke Skywalker: I'm taking Captain Solo, and his friends, you can either profit by this, or be destroyed. It's your choice but I warn you not to underestimate my powers

Jabba The Hutt: Alright, you can take Solo and his friends, here's the dungeon key.

Number 4:

Owen Lars: Where are you going?

Anakin Skywalker: To McDonald's. This food stinks!

They're not very good but it's all I can think of at the moment.


[ 07-24-2002, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: Rik ]
 
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Originally posted by SpiceBoy2k2:
Palpatine: "How about an old friend....like Coleman Trebor"

Mace: "Thats possible...Coleman just came back from the Bacta Tank after being shot by one of our training remotes....again"
<font size="2" face="arial">GASP! GASP! GASP!

How can you say such a thing? Making the master of all Jedi look like a brainless fool?

GASP! GASP! GASP!

 
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Rik I loved your number 4 and especially number 1: "I love Obi-Wan"
 
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Typho: "I guess I was wrong, there was no danger at all."

The ship explodes.

Typho: "Oops, I guess I was right. Senator, let's get the hell out of here."

------------------------------------------------

Yoda: "Senator Amidala, your tragedy at the landing plataform, terrible! Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart."

Amidala: "Oh that's so cute, but what I REALLY want to know is if you have any idea who's behind this attack!!!!"

------------------------------------------------

Mace: "You know m'lady, Count Dooku was once a jedi. He couldn't assasinate anyone. It's not in his character."

Amidala: "You assume too much."

------------------------------------------------

Amidala: "Chancellor, if I may comment, I don't believe..."

Palpatine: "The situation is that serious. But I do senator, I realize..."

Amidala: "all too well that additional security might be disruptive for me. You see, I can finish your sentences too, Chancellor."
 

Rik

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Posted by r2d2_26
"Rik I loved your number 4 and especially number 1: "I love Obi-Wan""

Thank you
Your's are really funny too. My favourite is:-

Vader to Lando: "Well Calrissian, did he survive?"
Lando: "Nope, you killed him. Han is dead, and in perfect carbonation."
Vader: "Oh, well. I guess we'll just need to find another way to get Luke Skywalker to the emperor. Sorry Bobba."

LOL!
 
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"I've analyzed their attack plan, sir, and there is a danger. Should I have your ship standing by?"

"What danger?"

"There is an auxiliary thermal exhaust port near the central port that gives the rebels direct access to the reactor core. A lucky shot with a proton torpedo will detonate the core and destroy the station."

"Oh, that. Just close the port. The blast doors can withstand proton torpedoes."

"Done."

"Good catch."

"Thank you, sir."

"Rebel base now in range."

"You may fire when ready."
 
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"he doesn't like you!"

"come let me buy you a drink"

"oh well if your buying, i'll have a half of shandy and a small sherry for ponda if you please"
 
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Here are my pathetic contributions:

1-
Dooku: It is obvious that this contest cannot be decided by our knowledge of the Force, but by our skills with a lightsaber.

Yoda: Fine. Uh... wait! Where is it?? I must've left it at the Command Center! Dooku wait! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2-
Taun We: Master Jedi. The Prime Minister is expecting you.

OB1: I'm expected?

Taun We: No. You're right- get out of here!

3-
OB1: Just relax. Concentrate.

Anakin: What about Padmé?

OB1: She seems to be on top of things.

«Padmé falls off the pole and the Nexu eats her»

That third one sucked. I told you they were Pathetic...
 
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Luke: "...I feel like-"

Yoda: "Feel like what?"

Luke: *whips out his blaster* BAM!!!!

Yoda: *is reduced to a pile of smoldering dust*

--------------------------------------------------

Maul: *sneers at Obi hanging in the melting put, a lightbulb pops up above his head and he kneels down to teh edge of teh pit*

Obi: "What the?"

Maul: *with his extended reach can now slice obi, slices obi's hands off and watches as obi plummets down the pit*

--------------------------------------------------

Anakin: *parries Dooku's attacks*

Dooku: *in one clean sweep slices Anakin clean up the center, leaving Anakin reduced to a left and right half* "Oops, i only meant to take off his arm....hm....Oh well, didn't like teh brat anyway, i thought he was going to be teh death of me."


--------------------------------------------------

Dooku: "Excuse me, i have to use the little dictator's room." *walks out of the VIP box*

Nute Gunray: "This isn't how it's supposed to be, Jango! Finish her off!

Jango: *without having Dooku there to decide for him, Jango takes the matter into his own hands. Jango puts on his helmet, and rockets into the arena, where he promptly puts a hole in Pamde's, Anakin's, and Obi-Wan's heads. He rockets back to the VIP stand as Dooku comes back*

Dooku: "What'd i miss??? Hey....waitaminute.....Why are they're holes in each of their heads???"

--------------------------------------------------

Yoda: "Concentrate all your fire, on teh nearest StarShip."

Clone COmmander: "Set all groups to target vedtor 5-1-5."

*the star ship begins to fall from the sky, but arcs towards the clone army, crushing it in a huge explosion*

Yoda: "A new plan, i have formulated."

Clone Commander: "What's that?"

Yoda: "Like the wind, we must run!!!!"
 
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Anakin: "I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them. And not just the men (Anakin walks closer to Padme), but the women and the children too."

Padme: (loud) "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH". She runs away screaming in horror.

------------------------------------------------

Padme: "I'm going to help Obi-Wan."

Anakin: "Great, let me know how it goes. Good luck."

-------------------------------------------------

Obi-Wan: "What's going on?"

Anakin: "She covered the cameras. I don't think she liked me watching her while she changed her clothes."

Obi-Wan: "What is she thinking? I want to watch too."
 
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Tarkin: "You may fire when ready."

Leia: "No..."

Tarkin looks at the planet: "UUHHHHHH, NO, WAIT"

<The planet explodes.>

Tarkin: "You morons, that was Coruscant! You have just killed the emperor!!!!"
 
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"your tauntaun will freeze before the first marker!"

"then i'll se...will it really?"

"yes it will, i'm afraid"

"oh,...well...i mean luke is a jedi, isn't he?"

"i don't know sir, i just work here"

"well i'd hate to cramp his style and to honest i'm a little tired...*yawn* i'll look in the morning...good night..." walks away whistling
 
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vader to leia:if this is a consellors ship,where is the ambassador?
--man walks in fixing zipper,right here had to take a wicked leak
vader:ummm,nevermind.

jabba:your jedi powers will not work on me boy!
luke:damn......(thinking)what would brian boytano do?

pretty weak,but it is 5:30 in the morning,sorry for wasting your time
 
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Luke: "Obi-Wan spoke of another..."
Obi-Wan: "Your sister..."
Luke: "LEIA, Leia is my sister..."
Obi-Wan: "What the hell? No, its a Mon Calamari chick on Ansion, your father cheated on Padme, but I don't know why, nobody in their right mind gives up the sweet @$$ of Natalie Portman, stupid cracker, damn boy, Leia's not your sister! Damn fool ha ha ha ha ha...oh, that was a classic."

[ 08-04-2002, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: Beaubi-Wan ]
 
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Jar Jar: "Mmmm... Any help here would be hot."
Obi-Wan: "Master, we're short in time."
Qui-Gon: "You're so right. Let's go. Bye Jar Jar."

*************************************************

Darth Sidious: "Queen Amidala is young and hot, I mean naive."

*************************************************

Qui-Gon: "Relax, we're not in trouble yet."
Jar-Jar: "What yet? Monsters out there, leaking in here, all sinking and no power; when did yousa thinking...!"
Obi-Wan: "Quiet!!!! (punches Jar Jar hard on the face."
Qui-Gon: "You have learned much, my Padawan. I perceive you will become a great Jedi."

This is all I can think of right now.
 
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Padme and her men prepare to leave the hanger, followed by Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, as they near the door, it opens and Maul is there. Qui-Gon steps forward, "We'll handle this" He then looks at Obi-Wan and there is a moment of silence before they break into a run and go to another door.

Anakin: "I'll try spinning! That's a good trick!"
His fighter collides with the Control ship and he dies.
 
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Anakin: "What the Politicians should do, is sit down, decide what's best for everyone, and agree to do that."

Padme: "Well, that's exactly what we do, accept sometimes people just don't agree."

Anakin: "Well then they should be made to."

Padme: "That sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me, who would tell them what do do anyway?"

Anakin: "Me and my master will, dangit! I'm gonna be teh most powerful Jedi ever, I'm gonna have a huge black cape, and an awsome red lightsaber, and we will control the universe! Now c'mere so we can build up some new jedi that are going to be killed later so that we can- i mean......................Somebody wise."
 
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