a cold day on hoth

Oct 11, 2017
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texas...earth's Tatooine
first off i want to say that the shira brie project i promised has been delayed. it was originally supposed to be part of this story but i couldnt get it to work so i cut it and will reuse what i have in
the later story.
for now heres another adventure starring Vashlynn and Farris set before the battle of hoth.
I hope every one enjoys it and to the mods if anything needs to be cut/reworked edited just dm me and let me know.

chapter 1

Farris Tarve ducked around the corner and pressed her back against the wall,
the palm of her hand was soaked with sweat where it tightly gripped her blaster.
beside her,her younger sister,Vashlynn was breathing hard as well.
"did we lose them?" she whispered.
Farris peered around the corner at the five stormtroopers still searching for them.
"no," she whispered,"there's at least five out there. still searching."
they were in the imperial moon base on Gall.
the rebellion needed supplies badly and they had volunteered to lead a team on a supply run but
the other rebels had been spotted and killed in the ensuing firefight.
she and Vashlynn had managed to grab a few things and stuffed them in a couple of backpacks but
it was so little they might as well have not come at all.
but Farris was determined to not leave empty handed.
"this mission will succeed or not happen at all" was a phrase she too often used.
Vashlynn hated her stubborn will and thought she was overly dedicated to the rebellion sometimes,
but she was her big sister and she loved her.
right now though, Vashlynn wasn't sure what they would do.
"we can take them." Farris decided.
"Vash, I'll run out and take as many down as I can while they're off guard.
then you follow doing the same. I'll cover you."
"GO!" Farris ran, her long legged strides taking her quickly across the gap to the next wall cover.
as she ran, she gunned down two of the stormtroopers.
Vashlynn ran a few steps then dove into a slide. as she flew through the air she tagged two more
stormtroopers while Farris took down the last one.
the two women ran as fast as they could back to where their ship was docked.
as they ran, a klaxon began to hoot. "oh not good!" Farris muttered.
"great! as if we didn't have ENOUGH stormtroopers after us already!"
Vashlynn growled, agreeing with her sister's assesment of the rapidly declining situation.
the ship was in sight now, a corellian freighter, a newer model, more like the outrider than the falcon.
Farris ran up the ramp, her sister close behind.
"get on the guns!" Farris yelled as she threw herself into the pilots seat.
"right!" Vashlynn threw down her pack and ran to the gunwell sliding down the ladder to the belly turret.
she was barely buckled in when she felt the ship lurch as Farris floored it.
"I'm in!" Vashlynn's voice crackled over the intercom.
"we have ties incoming!" Farris warned.
"try to hold them off till I get the jump to hyperspace set."
"fly safe, Farris."
Farris laughed. leave it to Vashlynn to joke in a combat situation.
"oh STANG!" Farris swore.
"a star destroyer just came out of hyperspace! hold on!"
Farris threw the ship into a diving spin as the ties closed in and began firing.
Vashlynn fired taking down,one, two, and then a third tie. she fired again and missed a fourth.
"I would have hit that one..." she muttered.
"sorry," Farris said tightly, "there's plenty more out there."
Farris dove, avoiding a pincer manueuver as more ties closed in.
"watch it Farris,I think they are trying to herd us toward that star destroyer."
and if they did,the tractor beams would have them.
"did you hear me-"
"I HEARD YOU! just focus on the ties and I'LL worry about the Star destroyer!"
one of the ties scored a hit and an alarm began sounding.
Farris swore.
"shields are failing! I'm going to have to reroute the power."
rerouting the power would cover the whole ship again but it would be overall weaker.
Vashlynn took out three more ties and another twelve were coming in fast.
"Farris, whatever your doing, HURRY."
she wasn't shouting.
Vashlynn had a quiet firmness in her voice that Farris had learned to recognize as serious.
"got it!" Farris shouted as the navicomputer lit up.
she spun the ship in a complicated pattern that ended right on the needed trajectory and pulled the levers.
the stars stretched into lines and the ship vanished into hyperspace.

chapter 2

Farris slumped in her chair and wiped the sweat from her forehead.
she heard the door hiss as it opened and Vashlynn plopped down exhaustedly in the copilots seat.
"I hope it was worth it." she said softly.
"me too." Farris agreed.
"we barely grabbed enough supplies for one person,
but maybe something was on those data tapes you found."
Vashlynn nodded. "I'll go through it all on the way back to the base."
Farris nodded and keyed the ship to auto pilot.
"ok." as she spoke she stood and slipped out of her tan fatigue jacket.
underneath she wore a sleeveless olive grey under shirt that showed off her hard lean arms.
"I'm going to hit the shower and get some sleep."
"ok. goodnight Farris."
she smiled at her little sister.
"goodnight Vash."
after getting her own shower Vashlynn checked the ship, making sure they were
still on course and all was in order since Farris was already asleep in her bunk.
then she set about checking to see what they had made off with from the imperial base.
she had found some rations, lots of spare ammo packs for hand blasters,
a few for rifles and larger weapons as well.
standing up and stretching her stiff back,
Vashlynn went over to the computer console with the data tapes she had grabbed in the imperial base.
she tried each one but they were all the same.
Vashlynn sighed and opened her own rations to eat.
she would wait on Farris to wake up before she slept just to be safe.
she didnt like sleeping in hyperspace if no one was manning the ship.
the thought of a malfunction and being lost forever in otherspace creeped her out.
Farris had always laughed at her fear and said it was silly.
but it was better safe than sorry,Vashlynn always said.
with nothing better to do, Vashlynn went to the pilots compartment and sat down in the co pilots seat.
for a long time she just sat watching the hyperspace tunnel thunder quietly along outside the viewport.
it was quiet,the only other sounds the hum of the engines,
and the quiet beeps of the other onboard equipment.
it was so quiet Vashlynn had nearly dozed off when a shrill alarm began blaring startling her awake.
a moment later Farris hurried in and dove into the pilots chair.
she quickly checked the monitors and control boards, her blue eyes frantically searching.
"what happened?"
"I dont know," Vashlynn admitted.
"I was just sitting here when the alarm went off."
Farris gripped the hyperspace levers and eased them back into normal space.
"looks like that last hit we took damaged the hyperdrives.
I don't think we can risk jumping again until we set down somewhere and repair the damage."
outside the viewport,Vashlynn saw a large astroid field and off to the left,
the large white sphere of an ice planet.
"where are we?" she asked.
Farris checked the coordinates.
"the border of the anoat system. that's Hoth off to port there."
Vashlynn frowned.
"they say the temperatures are brutal cold down there.
there's got to be somewhere else we can put down-"
"where?!" Farris snapped, "on one of the asteroids? I'm good,but I'm no han solo."
Vashlynn shook her head.
"I'm not sure even Han would be THAT crazy."
Vashlynn sighed in defeat.
"we don't even have proper cold weather gear."
she expected Farris to yell at her and argue with her some more.
instead she just looked at Vashlynn with unshed tears in her eyes and whispered,
"I'm sorry Vash. I hate that we ended up in this situation.
I promised our parents I'd watch over you. that we would be SAFE."
Farris wiped her eyes and Vashlynn patted her on the shoulder.
"hey we'll make do with what we have.
I'll go through the other pack we took and see if there's anything we can use."
Farris nodded and gripped the control stick once more.
"ok I'll make sure we land in one piece."

chapter 3

Farris guided the ship down into the frigid atmosphere.
below them, the planet's surface was covered in blinding white snow drifts as far as they could see.
she found a large cavern in the side of cliff and eased the ship down there, out of the worst wind.
after rummaging around the ships stores together, and searching the supplies they had stolen,
the two sisters found enough extra clothing that they could bundle themselves up
in if the repairs took them outside. of more immediate concern to Farris was
that she wasn't sure that they had everything they needed aboard the ship.
if that happened, they would have to travel at sub-light speed to wherever they could.
they could also put out a distress signal, but Farris was worried that the empire might be the ones
to intercept it. and if they did...things were back to square one.

they spent the better part of the day outside, inspecting the ship trying to see how bad the damage was.
it was even colder than they had anticipated.
and they often took breaks inside the ship with hot food and drinks from the ships stores
to try and keep their strength up.
"I hope we get as much done today as we can," Farris said between sips of hot caf,
"because tonight the temperatures will no doubt drop to deadly levels. and I don't want us out in it.
even if we have to finish the repairs tomorrow."
Vashlynn nodded as she sipped her drink, grateful for the warmth it was returning to her numb fingers.
"you won't hear me complaining."
"you? not complain?" Farris teased.
Vashlynn laughed.
"oh shut up, Farris!" she said playfully.
Farris stood drained her cup. she then tugged on her gloves.
"alright lets see if we can get done before nightfall."

Farris leaned on the hatch and sighed,the wind whipping at her hood.
every breath burned with the cold.
she tugged the mask tighter around her face and pulled her hood down more snugly about her head.
the hyperdrive was damaged and no amount of searching the ship
for replacement cables had provided results.
she pounded her fist on the hull and swore. "stang!"
she slammed her fist into the hull again even harder.
Vashlynn sat under the ship on the front landing strut, her hands tucked into her armpits
"calm down Farris. maybe we can rewire it or something."
Farris sighed and nodded.
"yeah I MIGHT be able to...IF we can find the necessary cables without breaking something else vital."
Farris sighed and keyed the boarding ramp.
"come on,lets get inside for the night."
Vashlynn rose and followed her up the ramp into the blessed warmth of the ship.
that night as Vashlynn slept, Farris sat at the controls with a hot cup of caf.
she was beaming a narrow tight band transmission out into space in short bursts hoping she might
attract attention without attracting the WRONG kind of attention,namely the empire.
if a smuggler or other passerby happened upon them, they might work out a deal.
or...if worse came to worst they could kill them and take their ship.
she preferred to be diplomatic of course.
but she knew not all smugglers or other undesirables would see reason.
Farris sighed.
she had learned from an early age how to handle these roguish types.
they had been born on another world she barely remembered but had been raised on the streets
of Nar Shadaa and Nal Hutta most of their younger years.
in order to provide for Vashlynn she had had to get her hands dirty at a young age.
she had taken various jobs over the years,
when she was a teenager she had been coerced into being a dancer for a hutt,
even stripping when she had didn't have a choice.
the first time she had refused....things had gotten out of hand.
and from then on Farris had just endured whatever humiliation she had to to avoid trouble.
once she had gotten older, she had been a mechanic for that same hutt;
after he recognized her technical skills, he put her to work maintaining his motorpool instead
though he still sometimes wanted a private dance from time to time, it was better situation than it had been.
while all hutts were unpleasant and cruel, it wasn't at all like the stories
she had heard about Jabba the hutt.
Farris was also allowed to work on speeders and the like for others who would pay for her services
so long as they went through her master first.
she had spent six long years in the hutt's employ before an angry wookie bounty hunter named Snoova
had jammed a thermal detonator down the hutts throat after he was refused the price he wanted on a bounty.
even hidden behind the dais from the blast,Farris had picked hutt out of her hair for weeks after.
she had taken Vashlynn and they had escaped getting clear of the fallout as soon as possible.
Farris had had a feeling that their new master wouldn't be so kind to them.
with the money she had saved,Farris had managed to buy a run down ship and get off world.
they had traveled around until they had met up with the alliance.
the door opened behind her and she was surprised to see Vashlynn awake.
"did I wake you?"
Vashlynn shook her head and sat down in the co pilots seat.
"no. have you been up all night?"
Farris sipped at her now cold drink and grimaced.
"yeah. I was thinking about home."
"which one?" Vashlynn smiled.
it was an old joke between them.
"Nal hutta, living on Nar Shaddaa, the hutts..."
Vashlynn had been pretty young then so all of that was hazy for her,if she even remembered it at all.
"afraid I can't be much help there."
Vashlynn admitted.
"I only remember living there with you and not much else. have you made any progress?"
Farris shook her head.
"I'm afraid to send out too many transmissions because the empire would come to investigate
if they detected signals from a deserted world like this."
Vashlynn nodded.
"yeah. but we can't just sit here either."
Farris chewed her lower lip.
"we have food for maybe a week, if we stretch it, but im hoping to be gone before then.
let's get some sleep,Vash. we have to get out as early as possible
so we have plenty of light to work with. the sooner we get going the better."

Farris had dozed off in the pilots chair, fully intending to sleep the night in her bunk
when the commboard began beeping insistently.
years of being in the rebellion had honed her senses so Farris was instantly
fully awake and lunging for the controls.
"-this is the freighter Xovela Bara, we have received your signal, please acknowledge."
it was a woman's voice speaking fluent basic, but not one Farris recognized.
it could still be imperials..or worse.
"this is the lightspeed dream, we copy!" Farris said guardedly.
"what is your situation?" the woman asked.
Farris heard the door open behind her as Vashlynn peered in to see what was happening.
"uh our hyperdrive is damaged and we don't have the cables we need for repairs.
can you offer assistance?" Farris asked.
she heard the woman conferring a moment with something that sounded like a geonosian
with all the buzzing and clicking going on.
Farris wished she could understand the language.
a moment later the woman was back.
"we can take a look at it.
and if you don't mind leaving the ship behind if we cant fix it, we can give you a lift
to wherever you're going."
chapter 4

Farris and Vashlynn huddled together under the ship as the
Xovela Bara put down a few feet away.
the ramp lowered and their saviours came into view.
Folshana Zara was a Faleen.
she was as tall as Farris, with a slender, shapley body with
a large ample bust and narrow waist.
she was very beautiful even for a faleen.
her skin was a vibrant dark green and her black hair was long and loose down her back.
she wore a skintight grey jumpsuit with an orange blaster belt with a
black holster slung low on her right hip.
her copilot, Vrix, was a geonosian as Farris had suspected.
he didn't seem hostile at least.
Farris wished she could understand him herself but at least Folshana could translate for them.
Folshana smiled and for some reason Farris felt at ease with her,though she kept her guard up.
she knew all about Faleen pheromones and how they could affect her judgement if she let it.
"quite the garden spot you picked to put down on," Folshana said dryly.
"believe me it wasn't our choice." Farris told her as she led them over to the ship.
she had to shout over the high winds whipping at them.
"we had to drop out of hyperspace when the alarms went off.
im just glad we weren't out in the dark between stars when it happened."
"I guess the force was with you on that then," Folshana replied having to shout as well.
vrix buzzed and clicked something at her.
"YOU'RE cold? well go back to the ship then." Folshana snapped at him.
"or quit complaining and help me."
Folshana easily climbed atop the ship like a long legged spider.
she crouched and inspected the cables, running her long slender fingers over them.
she hopped down and landed in a graceful crouch.
"I'm pretty sure I have some cables in the ship somewhere."
she shouted over the wind to Farris,
"let's see if we can't find them and get you fixed up.

"so what brings you out this far?" Farris asked as they all searched the ship for the replacement cables.
"I could ask you the same thing," Folshana said with a coy smile.
"we- uh had to leave a previous engagement rather abruptly."
Farris told her, still not quite sure if she should trust this faleen woman.
"how about you?"
the Faleen shrugged.
"I happened to be between contracts and picked up your transmission.
I'm a smuggler."
Farris nodded.
"I understand."
"you don't seem very uncomfortable around me. are you a smuggler too?"
Farris shook her head.
"no. but I grew up on Nar Shadaa and Nal Hutta. I worked for a hutt and
lived around smugglers and bounty hunters most of my early life so I'm used to it."
Folshana smiled at her.
"life in service to a Hutt can be hard. especially for a dancing girl."
Farris frowned. "I never said I-"
"but you did." Folshana said with a knowing smile.
she looked Farris up and down with an approving eye.
"you don't get a lean body like that fixing speeders. you have a dancer's curves."
Farris blushed a bit.
"....yes.., I did dance for him. but I'd rather not talk about it."
Folshana nodded.
"your shame is understandable. you humans often sell your bodies for less than a few chits."
"hey I'm not a harlot." Farris said firmly.
"the things I did back then were because I had no CHOICE."
"of course." Folshana interrupted,"no doubt you were only protecting your sister."
Farris glanced over at Vashlynn.
"I managed to shield her from the worst of it.
thankfully she was too young to remember much of life there."
"there it is!"
Folshana moved aside some random items in the storage box and produced a length of coiled cable.
after informing the others, they returned to the lightspeed dream and began repairs.
Farris and Folshana worked together atop the ship while the others waited inside.
Vashlynn didn't know how to pass the time. she couldn't converse with Vrix since she didn't
speak geonosian, so she just sat there in awkward silence with him.
outside the others were busy replacing the cables.
"you seem like a gifted mechanic."
Folshana complemented her as they worked.
Farris grunted as she disconnected the old cables and
threw them over the edge into the snow.
"well it wasn't all dancing. I learned how to fix speeders and starships for extra credits
while the other dancers were working nights with the local lowlifes at the street corner."
Folshana smiled.
"a truly capable woman doesn't demean herself for credits when she has better options."
the Faleen woman smiled at her again.
"I'm surprised your master let a female as beautiful and capable as you go.
Hutts are well known for their...appetites."
Folshana took one end of the new cable as Farris took the other.
they each began connecting their respective ends.
"he didn't." Farris told her as she worked.
"he had a disagreement with Snoova over the price owed on a bounty.
in a rage, Snoova fed him a thermal detonator.
then he started blasting everyone else in the room.
during the chaos, I grabbed Vashlynn and our credit stash and we escaped."
Folshana gazed at her a long moment.
"and you didn't become a smuggler?"
Farris glanced at her.
"no. we flew down to Nal Hutta and lived there for another couple of years.
I waited tables at a local cantina while fixing ships on the side until
I could afford a junked old ship that was worth flying.
eventually,I traded it in for this one but that was several years later.
but that was how we got off of Nal Hutta."
they began connecting the second cable.
"what sort of work do you do now?"
Farris narrowed her eyes at her.
"I don't keep more than one job for long."
she could tell Folshana was fishing for information and
Farris wasn't about to bring up the rebellion if she didn't have to.
"you see," Folshana said as her long slender fingers deftly connected her end of the cable,
"there are only two kinds of people with a reason to be out here in the middle of nowhere.
smugglers...and REBELS."
Farris felt a chill that had nothing to do with the Hoth winds.
"I've been honest with you human. I would appreciate the same if you want my help."
Farris weighed her options.
if she lied or tried to bluff her way out of it Folshana could simply leave them here to die.
if they were turned over to the empire it would be bad,
but they could fight their way out she supposed.
Farris blew a sigh out through her teeth.
"YES we're rebels."
Folshana smiled.
"you see? honesty isn't so hard."
"will you still help us?" Farris asked.
"the empire has no love for the Faleen either.
they bombed my homeworld to stop biological weapon that got out of control,
heedless of how many innocents died."
"I'm sorry Folshana."
Folshana studied her.
"I don't like humans. I think they are beneath me. but you...
I like you. you've earned my respect."
Farris finished connecting her end of the cable.
"thanks. lets see if we can get this bird in the air."

Farris and Folshana stood at the controls of the lightspeed dream while
Vashlynn was in the rec room with Vrix.
after testing out the ship they believed it was good to go.
"thanks again,Folshana." Farris told her.
"we owe you one."
Folshana leaned close and smiled as she smoothed Farris' brown hair back from her face
gently caressing her cheek.
"I'm always happy to help one so beautiful as you. would you like to join my crew?
I could always use another....mate."
Farris began to feel her heart pound in her chest as she gazed into Folshana's pale green eyes.
she felt an unexplainably strong attraction toward Folshana she hadn't previously felt.
Farris longingly gazed at her lips..she wanted to-
suddenly Farris remembered the pheromones.
she stepped back nearly falling over the pilot's chair.
"what are you?-" but before Farris could finish, the proximity alarm began to ping.
she glanced at the readout and saw a star destroyer was in the system.
"we have to get out of here!" Farris yelled as she dove into the pilot seat.
she heard the discharge of a stun weapon but before she could turn she felt a cold blaster barrel
touch the back of her head.
she slowly turned to see Folshana aiming the blaster at her.
the Faleen was smiling.
"sometimes too much honesty is a bad thing."
Farris was shaking.
half of it was anger, half of it sadness and fear.
"why?" she whispered nearly in tears.
Folshana sat in the co pilot seat never taking her eyes off of her or moving her blaster an inch.
once seated, she reached over her right arm with her left and flicked the comm switch.
"star destroyer Suppressor, this is Folshana Zara.
Captain Felden, I have something that might interest you."

Vashlynn groggily awoke to find she was being dragged down the ramp out into the snow.
all around them were about forty stormtroopers in cold weather gear.
an imperial assault shuttle was parked nearby.
near a smaller group of stormtroopers she saw Farris, her hands behind her back, already in binders.
she shook her head to clear it.
slowly it all came back to her.
she had heard Farris shout and leapt up to see what was happening-
and that scummy two faced little bug had stunned her out of nowhere.
she glanced worriedly over at her sister.
Farris glared at Folshana who was waiting on an imperial officer to negotiate with.
"how could you do this?! we TRUSTED you!"
Folshana's smile was colder than the planet.
"trust can be misplaced my dear. I told you you were too quick to trust me.
but desperation can make you humans do stupid things."
before she could say more, imperial officer Dervis Wilke strode down the ramp of the shuttle.toward them.
"yes what is it?" he asked crisply.
"I want to collect any available bounty out for these two."
"lieutenant?" he called and another younger officer hurried over.
after running the names and faces of Vashlynn and her sister he shook his head.
"there's no bounty out at this time for either of them."
Folshana scowled and her skin tone reddend slightly.
"they're REBELS. they must be worth SOMETHING."
"you'll receive a finders fee of ten thousand credits,five thousand for each of them."
Folshana sauntered over to Farris and stroked her hair.
"you can have the other girl and keep your paltry reward.
I want to keep this one for my own...satisfaction."
as she spoke, her fingers gripped Farris' shoulder, claws digging painfully into her skin.
Wilke scowled at her.
"as you said, she's a rebel. they will both go to the Imperial detention center on coruscant
for interrogation.
no doubt Director Isard would like to question them personally at Lusankya as well."
he gestured to the stormtroopers to surround the small group.
"she's mine! you promised me-" Folshana snarled. "I promised nothing." Wilke interrupted.
"now move along. we have prisoners to transport."
as he spoke, the stormtroopers leveled the blasters menacingly at the bounty hunter and her prey.
"sir" one of the troopers interrupted,"these are the two rebels that escaped from Gall three days ago."
"oh really?" Wilke said slowly. "Lord Vader has been most interested in finding the tapes they stole.
search the ship." he commanded as stormtroopers marched up the ramp into the lightspeed dream.
Folshana was adamant. " I DEMAND you-"
"no one makes demands of the empire," Wilke interrupted.
"most certainly not ALIEN SCUM."
Vrix buzzed and clicked something and raised a blaster menacingly.
"I told you to DISARM THEM!" Wilke screamed.
the stormtroopers opened fire, blasting the geonosian to pieces.
Folshana pulled her blaster and began firing on the stormtroopers as well,
at the same time, she hit the release on Farris' binders.
Farris dove for a fallen blaster and joined the fray, working her way
toward where Vashlynn was hiding behind a snow dune. she quickly released her sister
and they sprinted toward the lightspeed dream.
Folshana bolted after them and followed them up the ramp but as she reached the top,
Farris spun and kicked her hard in the face.
"sorry honey I'm NOT INTERESTED!"
Farris' boot slammed hard into her face and she rolled down the ramp, stunned.
before she could move, Vashlynn hit the ramp raise button then joined her sister
in blasting the four stormtroopers still aboard the ship.
Farris raced to the controls and gunned the engines, flying hard for space.
"I hope we fixed the hyperdrive," Farris muttered as Vashlynn joined her,
or this is going to be a real short trip."
now that Folshana had betrayed them she had no idea if it was fixed or not.
"ties!" Vashlynn exclaimed.
"ok. get on the guns Vash. we can't jump until we are clear of Hoth's gravity field.
plus I gotta plot the course from the navi computer.
Vashlynn ran to the gunwell and scrambled up the ladder to the upper turret.
"ok I'm in Farris."
"good. just keep them busy till we can make the jump."
as she spoke, Farris saw the Xovela Bara streaking away from hoth with multiple ties
in close pursuit. Farris ignored it and focused on getting the ship ready to jump.
Farris heard the turrets light up as the tie fighters closed in and Vashlynn opened fire.
again, Vashlynn took down a succession of ties, five within the first two minutes and another
three after that. there were just too many. it was hard NOT to hit them.
"Farris we have a real flarg storm of ties back here!"
"just hold on Vash!" she called.
Farris banked hard to Starboard trying to get as much distance as possible between them and hoth.
the sooner they could jump to lightspeed the better.
Vashlynn was still firing at the ties when the alarm finally sounded.
"hang on!" Farris pulled the levers and held her breath.
then the stars stretched into lines and they entered hyperspace.
"that's quite a story you have there," General Rieekan told them
after they had explained everything that had happened to them.
"I'm sorry sir." Farris said tiredly. "we barely got anything the rebellion can use."
"on the contrary corporal Tarve, I think you found us something better than supplies."
Farris frowned.
"I don't understand sir."
the general smiled.
"that cave you took shelter in is large enough to be used as a hanger bay.
with excavation we could make it into a new base.for the alliance."
"excuse me sir," Vashlynn interjected. "wouldn't the empire keep an eye on the system now?"
Rieekan shook his head. "one isolated incident would probably be just that to the empire.
there was no base there so I doubt they would expect us to return."
Vashlynn nodded."yes sir."
"oh hey you two!" Luke skywalker grinned at them.
"its good to see you both back from your mission safe."
Vashlynn blushed slightly.
"thanks Luke."
Farris shook his hand.
"thank you commander Skywalker. it's good to be back."
a moment later Princess Leia joined them as well.
"I'm glad to see you both safe," she said warmly.
"I'm sorry princess," Farris said softly,"we failed to get any supplies."
Leia shook her head.
"it happens sometimes, Farris but you can't blame yourselves. I've failed missions too.
we just have to keep fighting.it's all we can do until the empire is defeated."
she met their eyes.
"freedom. THAT'S what we fight for."
Farris smiled at Vashlynn.
Vashlynn smiled back.


Jan 2, 2015
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It is nice to see you are still writing.

First, before I even read it, there are 2 things you can do. The first is a spell and grammar check. For me, every error pulls me out of the story.
Second, you should break the paragraphs down with spaces. I huge wall of text makes for a daunting read.

The first chapter was pretty exciting, with lots of action. It might have been more exciting if we knew what the "supplies" were. Losing a couple of rebels for foodstuffs seems like a poor trade. Getting intel or rare items makes it worth the risk.

Chapter 2 gets into that, and we discover Hoth. We also learn a bit more about the sisters, which is good.

Chapter 3 gives us more backstory which helps us relate to the sisters. I would change how the Hutt died though. It diminishes Boush's trick.

There is a lot going on in Chapter 4. It could have been broken into 2 chapters. I'm not sure how they would have beat 40 troopers though. I also don't understand how the Stormtrooper recognized them.
They made a good escape though.

I think there is a lot of good stuff in your story. Keep it up!
Oct 11, 2017
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texas...earth's Tatooine
yeah theres a lot wrong with it im not good with all the grammer stuff though i tried my hardest to catch all the typos i guess i missed some. the spell checker didnt point anything out though.
i actually never even thought of boushh thast interesting you bring it up. ill have to look into it though. also boushh didnt feed it to him :p
i tried to keep things evened out but i was just writing at light speed and it wasnt until i had a huge wall of text that i realized it was way too long so i started breaking it up into chapters.
ok oversight on my part the stormtrooper received a transmission from other imperials and came over to inform the commander about the situation
(most likely it was flagged somehow after the earlier scan they ran on them) i didnt do a good job clarifying that.
basicly the mission just kind of failed. they grabbed what they could which wasnt much which is why farris was pretty upset theyd lost people for nothing.
the tapes they got could possibly have something on them once decrypted but i never addressed it (probably should have in the ending)
now here i have to mention that this started out as a shira brie story and theres a lot prologue that i will reuse when i get back to that story.
the original idea was that vader was going to send shira brie after the sisters to recapture the stolen tapes.
however once i got going i couldnt figure out how to work her into the story with out derailing the sisters's plot so i decided to shelve that part and go back to it later.
i knew they couldnt beat 40 or so stormtroopers so they basicly ran to the ship while the troopers were engaged with the faleen bounty hunter and her co pilot
(im curious what people think of folshana)
im kind of concerend honestly that vashlynn was taking out too many ties, i mean yes she is a marksman but im trying to not go full mary sue on her.


Jan 2, 2015
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If you enjoy doing it than you should. If you would rather develop new stories that is also a good choice. Either choice will give you chances to both improve your imagination and writing skills.
Oct 11, 2017
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texas...earth's Tatooine
ok but give me an honest critique here ive heeard plenty about my horrid grammer and spelling (believe me i know all about that im working to improve) but is the story itself good? i feel like this one isnt very good people had mostly positve things to say about the other one but i havent heard much here. the idea im going with if i rewrite it will be more about the sisters crashing on hoth and battling the elements to survive rather than sitting around waiting to be rescued. if that sounds more appealing to people ill go for it i dont want to be like disney and pump out crap nobody wants to see. not a dig at disney btw im just saying how i feel about my own stuff
ive written more about shira brie but i havent reallly finished its starting to feel more like a tales from mos eisley story if icut out the darth vader part or rework it it could work like that too
i have an idea for another story not involving the sisters (or hoth i dont want to be like kja and just right the same thing all the time) but im not sure how interesting it would be.
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